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|Script Saison 2 Episode 16|
Titre US : The One Where Joey Moves Out
Titre FR : Celui qui vit sa vie
Écrit par Betsy Borns
Réalisé par Michael Lembeck
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Laura Cynober
Chandler : Thatís whatís weird? Joey, the manís been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
Chandler : Waaa-aaah.
Joey : What?
Chandler : The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Joey : Yeah, so.
Chandler : Well donít you see how gross that is? I mean thatís like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
Joey : Well, that was only ícause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
Chandler : Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
Joey : Hey, why canít we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
Chandler : Because soap is soap. Itís self-cleaning.
Joey : Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
Monica and Phoebe : Hey.
Joey : Hey.
Phoebe : Ooh, look at you fancy lads. Whatís the occasion?
Joey : Well, you know that guy thatís on my show thatís in a coma? Heís haviní a brunch.
Phoebe : Ahh.
Rachel : [enters from her room] OK, ready when you are.
Phoebe : Okey-doke.
Monica : I canít believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
Chandler : Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
Rachel : Yes, but you can not tell Ross ícause I want to surprise him.
Joey : Wow, this is wild. Whatíre you gonna get?
Phoebe : Um, Iím getting a lily for my Mom. íCause her nameís Lily.
Chandler : Wow, thatís lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
Joey : So where you gettiní it?
Phoebe : I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters]
Ross : What? Whatís on your shoulder?
Phoebe : Um, a chip. A tattoo, Iím getting a tattoo.
Ross : A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do that? [to Rachel] Hi.
Rachel : Hi. Well hey, you donít - you donít think theyíre kind of cool?
Ross : No, sorry I donít. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesnít come out right Phoebe? Then itís like, I donít know, haviní a bad hair cut all the time. Whyís everyone staring at me?
Monica : Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.
Chandler : Oooh, Rich is goiní to the party too, huh?
Monica : Well, heís my parentsí best friend, he has to be there.
Joey : Oh, is today the day youíre gonna tell them about you two?
Monica : Yeah. Itís my dadís birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
Phoebe : No, I think you should tell them.
Monica : No, I donít even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, Iím not telling them anything.
Ross : I donít know, I donít think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, íGod I hope they get together.í
Monica : OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, letís - letís switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like weíre trying to cover something up.
Ross : Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldnít believe it. [opens door] Weíre here.
Mrs. Geller : Oh hi kids. Hi darling.
Monica : Happy birthday dad.
Mr. Geller : Oh thank you.
Ross : Hi ma.
Richard : Happy birthday.
Mrs. Geller : Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
Ross : Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
Mrs. Geller : No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
Friend : Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear heís got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
Monica : Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
Mrs. Geller : Sooo, Richardís shopping in the junior section.
Monica : Are we still on that?
Mrs. Geller : We just know sheís got the IQ of a napkin.
Friend : Sheís probably not even very pretty, just young enough so that everything is still pointing up. [Monica folds her arms over her breasts]
Chandler : I know, this is a great apartment.
Joey : Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and thereís mirrors on both sides of you. So when youíre in there itís like youíre peeiní with the Rockettes.
Chandler : Wow, thereís my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
Joeyís co-star : Hey.
Joey : Hey! We were just sayiní, great apartment man.
Joeyís co-star : Thanks. You want it?
Joey : Huh?
Joeyís co-star : Yeah, Iím moviní to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
Joey : Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
Joeyís co-star : Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? Címon Iíll show you the kitchen.
Chandler : [being left behind] Oh thatís all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
Friend : Yeah, is she really 20.
Richard : I am not telling you guys anything.
Mr. Geller : Címon Rich, itís my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross : Dad, you really donít want to do that.
Mr. Geller : Ahh, whatís a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard : Jack, would you let it go?
Mr. Geller : Look, I know what youíre going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.
Richard : Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
Mr. Geller : Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .
Ross : Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
Mr. Geller : What? Iím kidding. You know Iíd never let him touch the Porsche.
Rachel : Well I. . .
Phoebe : I like this lily. Itís more open, ya know, and thatís like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh.
Tattoo artist : Alright, blonde girl, youíre in room two, not so blonde girl, youíre with me.
Phoebe : Here we go.
Rachel : [reluctantly] Uh-huh.
Phoebe : Youíre not going?
Rachel : Uh-huh.
Phoebe : What? Is it - is this ícause of what Ross said?
Rachel : No. Well, yeah, maybe.
Phoebe : I donít believe this. Is this how this relationshipís gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, címon what is this, 1922?
Rachel : Whatís 1922?
Phoebe : Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
Rachel : Yes I do, itís just that Ross is. . .
Phoebe : OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Rachel : No.
Phoebe : OK, who is the boss of you?!!
Rachel : You?
Phoebe : No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
Monica : Iím a twinkie.
Richard : Really? Iím a hero.
Monica : Oh, this is so hard.
Richard : Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.
Monica : Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
Richard : My parents are dead.
Monica : God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . . you know what I mean.
Richard : I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, Iíll go out first, alright.
Monica : Alright.
Richard : [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
Mrs. Geller : Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
[Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
Mr. Geller : Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesnít believe I have one.
Mrs. Geller : I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
Mr. Geller : I know. Heís like a new man. Itís like a scene from Cocoon.
Mrs. Geller : I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
Mr. Geller : Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that sheís quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks heís falling in love with her.
Mrs. Geller : Really.
Mr. Geller : I tell you, Iíve never seen him this happy.
Mrs. Geller : So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
Mr. Geller : Of course not. With you itís like Iíve got two 25-year-olds.
Mrs. Geller : [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
Mr. Geller : Címon, itís my birthday.
Chandler : Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
Joey : Why would I want another apartment, huh? Iíve already got an apartment that I love.
Chandler : Well it wouldnít kill you to say it once in a while.
Joey : Alright, you want the truth? Iím thinkiní about it.
Chandler : What?
Joey : Iím sorry. Iím 28 years old, Iíve never lived alone, and Iím finally at a place where Iíve got enough money that I donít need a roommate anymore.
Chandler : Woah, woah, woah. I donít need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
Joey : Whatíre you gettiní so bent out of shape for, huh? Itís not like we agreed to live together forever. Weíre not Bert and Ernie.
Chandler : Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
Joey : Well thatís how I feel.
Chandler : Well then maybe you should take it.
Joey : Well then maybe I will.
Chandler : Fine with me.
Joey : Great. Then youíll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
Mrs. Geller : Almost time for cake.
Ross : Mon, Mon, are you OK?
Monica : You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
Ross : Yeah.
Monica : Well, I just caught the live show.
Ross : Eww.
Richard : What?
Monica : Nothing, I just heard something nice about you.
Richard : Humm, really?
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
Mrs. Geller : Richard. Richard. Your son isnít seeing anyone is he?
Richard : Uhh, not that I know of.
Mrs. Geller : Well, I was thinking, why doesnít he give Monica a call?
Richard : That - thatís an idea.
Monica : Well, actually, Iím already seeing someone.
Mrs. Geller : Oh?
Richard : Oh?
Ross : Ohh.
Mrs. Geller : She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monicaís seeing someone?
Ross : Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them arenít. Is that crystal?
Mrs. Geller : So, whoís the mystery man?
Monica : Well, uh, heís a doctor.
Mrs. Geller : A real doctor?
Monica : No, a doctor of meat. Of course heís a real doctor. And heís handsome, and heís sweet, and know youíd like him. [she puts her arm around Richard]
Mrs. Geller : Well thatís wonderful. . . I
Monica : Mom, itís OK.
Richard : It is Judy.
Mrs. Geller : Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!
Mr. Geller : [enters with his bat] Found it.
Ross : Iíll take that dad. [grabs the bat]
Mrs. Geller : It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
Mr. Geller : Thatís impossible, heís got a twinkie in the city.
Monica : Dad, Iím the twinkie.
Mr. Geller : Youíre the twinkie?
Richard : Sheís not a twinkie.
Monica : Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship Iíve been in. . .
Mrs. Geller : Oh please, a relationship.
Monica : Yes, a relationship. For your information I am crazy about this man.
Richard : Really?
Monica : Yes.
Mr. Geller : Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
Monica : Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, youíve never seen Richard happier.
Mr. Geller : When did I say that?
Monica : Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
[Everyone else enters and all start singing Happy Birthday.]
Rachel : I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, Iím so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
Phoebe : Ahh. OK, letís see yours again.
Rachel : Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
Phoebe : Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh itís gone, thatís so weird, I donít know how-where it went.
Rachel : You didnít get it?
Phoebe : No.
Rachel : Why didnít you get it?
Phoebe : Iím sorry, Iím sorry.
Rachel : Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
Phoebe : I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel : Really? You donít say, because mine was licked on by kittens.
Chandler : Hey.
Joey : Hey listen, Iím sorry about what happened. . .
Chandler : Yeah me too.
Joey : I know. Yeah.
Chandler : Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
Joey : No, weíre alright.
Chandler : So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
Joey : Plastic spoons. Great.
Chandler : Lick away my man.
Joey : Theseíll go great in my new place. You know, ítill I get real ones.
Chandler : What?
Joey : Well, I canít use these forever. I mean, letís face it, theyíre no friend to the environment.
Chandler : No-no, I mean what, whatís this about your new place?
Joey : Iím moviní out like we talked about.
Chandler : Well I didnít think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
Joey : Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.
Chandler : Well, there you go.
Joey : Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I donít want to leave you high and dry.
Chandler : Hey, no, Iíve never been lower or wetter. Iíll be fine. Iíll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethiní, you know, put the foosball table in there.
Joey : Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
Chandler : I did pay for half of it.
Joey : Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
Chandler : Alright Iíll tell you what, Iíll play you for it.
Joey : Alright, youíre on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
Chandler : Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
Joey : Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
Richard : No, itís been a long time since your dad and I went running.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
Rachel : Oh.
Monica : Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
Rachel : Is Ross here?
Monica : No he went out to get pizza.
Rachel : Oh really, OK. [shows Monica her tattoo]
Monica : Thatís great.
Richard : Very tasteful.
Phoebe : Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
Monica : Yes.
Rachel : What? You didnít get one.
Phoebe : OK, well then what is this? [shows her bare shoulder]
Richard : Whatíre we looking at? That blue freckle?
Phoebe : OK, thatís my tattoo.
Rachel : That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
Phoebe : OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. Itís the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel : Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, íWhere the hell is my lily, you wuss?í OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
Ross : You got a tattoo?
Rachel : Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.
Ross : Lemme see. [looks]
Rachel : Well?
Ross : Well itís really. . . sexy. I wouldnít have thought it would be but. . . wow.
Rachel : Really?
Ross : Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
Rachel : I guess.
Ross : Hey, save us some pizza. [they go off to Rachelís room]
Chandler : Stop talkiní to your men. [Joey scores]
Joey : Yes! And the table is mine.
Chandler : Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
Chandler : Oh yeah, you got the big TV. Weíll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Phoebe : I know youíre just moving uptown but Iím really gonna miss you.
Monica : I know, how can you not be accross the hall anymore.
Rachel : Yeah, whoís gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doiní with my bra?
Joey : Oh no-no, itís uh, itís not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldnít even get theirs accross the street.
Chandler : [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
Ross : Hey, letís bring the rest of these down to the truck.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
Chandler : So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
Joey : Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.
Chandler : Thanks.
Joey : So, I guess this is it.
Chandler : Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]
Joey : Listen, uh, I donít know when Iím gonna see you again.
Chandler : Well, Iím guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house.
Joey : Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care.
Chandler : Yeah.
[Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.]