|fanfr.com > scripts > saison3|
|Script Saison 3 Episode 7|
Titre US : The One With The Race Car Bed
Titre FR : Celui qui était prof et élève
Écrit par Adam Chase
Réalisé par Gail Mancuso
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Isabelle Juhasz
Rachel : (thinks to herself, i.e. overdubbed) I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda. (she squints)
Monica : (thinks to herself) Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?
Chandler : (thinks to himself) If I was a superhero who could fly *and* be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther : (thinks to himself as he serves drinks to Ross and Rachel) What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
(Joey is singing Mancini's "Baby Elephant Walk" in his head)
Phoebe : (thinks to herself) Who's singing?
Monica : I was always Joanne.
Joey : Question. Was ah, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighbourhood?
(A commercial for the Gary, aka The Mattress King, JANICE's ex-husband, comes on TV)
Phoebe : Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King!
Joey : Booo!!
Chandler : (to JANICE) Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice : Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Gary : (on TV, as the Mattress King) "Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!
Chandler : What a wank!
Janice : Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica : I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I'm appalled for you by the way.
Gary : (on TV) I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.
Ross : We?
Rachel : Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross : Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel : Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross : Please, he refers to me as "wethead".
Rachel : But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler : (leaning in) I'll go.
Ross : Fine.
Rachel : Thank you.
Ross : Hi Gunther.
Gunther : Yeah, we'll see!
Joey : (entering) Hey, you guys!
Phoebe : Hey!
Joey : Guess what?
Ross : What?
Joey : I got a gig!
All : Yay!!
Chandler : See, that's why I could never be an actor. Because I can't say "gig".
Phoebe : Yeah, I can't say croissant. (after realizing she just said it, she points to her mouth proudly) Oh my God!
Monica : What's the part?
Joey : Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross : Come on! That's great.
All : Wow!
Joey : Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross : Y'know your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Joey : (glares at him) I know!
Monica : Not at these prices.
Phoebe : (to kid playing on a bed in the shape of a race car) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she passes her hand over her head) Whoosh!
Monica : (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe : Eh, Monica it, it still feels so weird, y'know, Chandler's your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! (lays back) Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
Phoebe : Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?
Joey : Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, "Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you".
Phoebe : Ooooh, nice.
Joey : Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Phoebe : Oh, yay!
Joey : Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me. Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.
(There is a knock on the door)
Phoebe : Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delievery guy)
Guy : (like a fanfare) Dum da-da dum! Hear ye, hear ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Phoebe : Okay.
Guy : Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
Phoebe : Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there. (points to Monica's room)
Joey : Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Phoebe : Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
Joey : You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe : Is that a problem?
Joey : No.
Phoebe : Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on. (they start boxing)
Joey : Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.
Phoebe : Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men weren't acting Christian enough.
Joey : Ahh!
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose)
Joey : Hey now!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey's nose, causing it to bleed)
Joey : Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.
Phoebe : Oh! Oh! Oh!
Joey : Okay, great.
Phoebe : Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.
Joey : Okay.
Phoebe : 'Kay, put your head back.
Joey : All right. I can't see.
Phoebe : All right, I have ya. Oh God.
Guy : Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?
Phoebe : Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay?
Guy : Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the race car bed like the little kid was playing on in the store)
Dr. Green : This is where they put us? What, there no table available *in* the kitchen? (to Rachel) Hello, baby.
Rachel : You remember Ross.
Dr. Green : Um-hmm.
Ross : Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
Dr. Green : So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but DR. GREEN is successful) (to Ross) How's the library?
Ross : Uh, museum.
Dr. Green : What happened to the library?
Ross : There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Dr. Green : (stares at him) You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say, shall I just order three?
Ross : Yeah, if you're really hungry. (DR. GREEN stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Rachel : Yeah, actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green : What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Ross : It's not a library...
Dr. Green : (interrupting him) I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, shrugs and mouths "I don't know" to the waiter)
Dr. Green : They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross : It gives it a nice "antiquey" look?
Dr. Green : (he stares at Ross) Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross : Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles)
Dr. Green : Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Rachel : Okay.
Ross : Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to commit hari kari)
Rachel : Aw honey stop! It's not that bad.
Ross : Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel : Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross : That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel : Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross : So?
Rachel : So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross : You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel : Well, um, *I* don't.
Dr. Green : Alright, kids, ready?
Ross : Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green : Uh-huh.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when DR. GREEN isn't looking)
Dr. Green : Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross : Oh, ah, you don't need that.
Dr. Green : Why not?
Ross : The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Dr. Green : (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Ross : Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.
Rachel : Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something about that.
Ross : I know.
Dr. Green : Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?
Rachel : Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.
Ross : Nothing I do means anything, really.
Dr. Green : This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Ross : Well Mr. Big Shot is better than "wethead".
Cal (a student): Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey : Hey-hey.
Cal : Guess what, I got an audition!
Joey : Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.
Cal : I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?
Joey : You bet! What's the part?
Cal : Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
(Joey does the "232 divided by 13 bad news" look)
Ross : Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.
Rachel : Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.
Ross : Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to medical school in a mini-mall.
(they go into Monica and Rachel's, and see Phoebe hopping around)
Ross : Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe : I'm, f-freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn the lights on in her bedroom?
Rachel : Um. yeah.
Phoebe : I am soo dead. (goes to Monica's room)
Rachel : (to Ross) All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay? So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Ross : Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.
Rachel : Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Ross : Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your father up and say "Like me! Like me, tiny doctor!"
Rachel : Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?
Ross : Rachel, one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay? We're never gonna get along.
Rachel : Okay, well you are just gonna have to, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Ross : Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I'll get the bagels.
Phoebe : Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Monica : This is not the bed I ordered!
Phoebe : I know, you must've won like a contest or something!
(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)
Monica : Phoebe!
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt)
Monica : Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe : I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...
Monica : When did I sign for it?
Phoebe : When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!
Monica : Did you make brownies today?
Chandler : Knock, knock.
Monica : (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.
Chandler : Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters, sees the bed, and laughs) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.
Phoebe : It's Monica's bed. What?
Chandler : Okay. (to Monica) It's a racecar.
Phoebe : So. This has always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Chandler : Okay, well if this bed isn't new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?
Monica : Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her hand as comfort)
Joey : Wow! That was good. That was...(points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Cal : No.
Joey : Whoa. That was really good.
Cal : Thanks, any suggestions?
(Joey gets the evil look on his face)
Joey : Well, I-I might've said supergay.
Chandler : You totally screwed him over.
Monica : Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey : Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.
Phoebe : (sarcastically) Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.
Dr. Green : Baby. Ross.
Ross : Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and DR. GREEN puts his scarf on it)
Dr. Green : Thanks for dinner last night.
Ross : Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Dr. Green : Nice hair. What'd ya do, swim here?
Ross : (to Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel : What? What? He's interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross : Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay? I'm just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel : What?!
Ross : (continues rubbing his neck) Look, look I'm sorry. It's just ...
Dr. Green : Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel : He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Dr. Green : You're still going to that chiropractor? That man couldn't get into med school in Extapa!
Ross : Thank you! That's what I keep saying.
Rachel : Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross : Uh.
Dr. Green : Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel : Well that's his last name.
Ross : And his first name.
Dr. Green : He's Bobby Bobby?
Rachel : It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green : Oh.
Rachel : And um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross : Oh-ho please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green : What do you need help for?
Rachel : With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green : Oh my God!
Ross : Argue with that.
Rachel : What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green : Come on! You're just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross : I know that!
Dr. Green : So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel : I'm sorry, "let her"?
Ross : What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about uh, about renter's insurance either.
Dr. Green : Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
Rachel : No.
Dr. Green : Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
(Both he and Ross start laughing, DR. GREEN gives Ross five in the process)
Ross : Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?
Dr. Green : I'd love some juice. Thanks.
Ross : Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?
Rachel : Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got checked yet.
Ross : Excellent!
Monica : Yes, hi, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed?
Jester : Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it (reads from receipt) "Monica Velula Geller".
Joey : All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
Jester : Nobody sees the king!
Joey : Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Jester : Hey! You can't go back there!
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at JANICE and the GARY, aka The Mattress King, aka her ex-husband, kissing)
Janice : Oh my God.
(Joey's jaw drops open)