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|Script Saison 3 Episode 15|
Titre US : The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break
Titre FR : Celui qui vivait mal la rupture
Écrit par Michael Borkow
Réalisé par James Burrows
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Isabelle Juhasz
Monica : I won’t give you anything ... but you’ll *owe* me two-ninety-five.
Joey : Done! (happily sits and opens the jar)
Phoebe : (entering, frantic) ’kay, I need an atlas, I need an atlas!
Monica : Why? Do you have a report due?
Phoebe : I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN, and ... I don’t know where his country is.
Monica : Okay, let’s start with the free massages at the UN.
Phoebe : Oh! That’s my new thing. I figure, bodies at peace make peace. (beaming proudly)
Monica : Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in "Rubbing". So what country’s this guy from?
Phoebe : Um, Ich-nech-t-yanist (trailing off, as she doesn’t quite remember) ... there’s a "g" in there.
Monica : Where’s that?
Phoebe : (growing impatient) In your atlas!
Monica : I don’t have an atlas.
Phoebe : Oh.
Monica : Oh, but, wait. I do have a globe ... hang on. (she walks toward the door to fetch her globe)
Joey : So, Pheebs, what’s this guy like?
Phoebe : Um, well, he’s very ... dashing, y’know? And, um very very sophisticated, and he doesn’t speak any English, but, according to his translator, he totally gets me. (laughs)
Monica : ’Kay, here you go. (hands Phoebe a tiny globe, a little larger than a golf ball)
Phoebe : What is this?
Monica : It’s a globe ... and a pencil sharpener. (Phoebe puts it right up to her eye)
Chandler : (entering, stands in the doorway) Hey! Anybody need anything copied? I’m going down to the Xerox place.
Monica : Oh, no thanks.
Chandler : OK, listen - just give me anything I can make two of.
Monica : Well, if you don’t have anything to copy, why are you going down there?
Joey : (almost sternly) Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the bellybutton ring again?
Chandler : Yeah, y’wanna come?
Joey : (after a moment in "stern" mode, he lightens up) Yeah!
Isaac : May I help you?
Chandler : (to Joey) Uh-ohhh.
Joey : (to ISAAC) Uh, you know what? We’re having second thoughts a- ... bout our, uh, copying needs, and, uh, we’ll need a little more time to think about it. (Joey and Chandler sit down simultaneously)
Isaac : Chloe, switch with me. There’s some guys here who’ve got a crush on you.
Chandler : (to Joey) OK, that hurt us.
Chloe : Hi guys. I haven’t seen you since this morning.
Chandler : Well, uh ... (finding that he has nothing witty to answer with) y’know. (Joey looks at him, shocked at his lame response)
Chloe : Hey, what are you guys doin’ tomorrow night?
Joey : (smiling) Both of us?
Chloe : Maybe. Does that scare ya? (Joey and Chandler smile and chuckle, intrigued at the thought, until they finally look at one another and realize that "trois" means "3" and recoil away from one another) Relax, it’s just Isaac’s deejaying at the Philly. You should come. (hands Joey a flyer)
Joey : (taking the flyer) Oh, we’ll be there!
Chloe : Great! (Chandler takes the flyer from Joey) I’ll, uh, see you then.
Chandler : Alright, rock on! (makes a little sign, shaking his hand with pinky and thumb outstretched like a surfer dude. CHLOE is not sure what to say and leaves, Chandler reacts with a "why did I do that" sort of look, burying his face in the flyer)
Misha : (Sergei’s translator, appearing from behind both of them, to Phoebe) He says that walking with you makes this strange city feel like home.
Phoebe : Oh, me too! Although this city *is* my home, so (realizing, suddenly urgent) so that’s dumb what I said, don’t tell him I said that, umm, just - you make something up.
Misha : (to Sergei, after clearing his throat, more foreign dialog)
Sergei : (foreign dialog which sounds flattered and appreciative, after which he kisses Phoebe’s hand)
Phoebe : (impressed by his results, to Misha) Nice, thank you! (pointing to her apartment, to Sergei) This is me, here.
Misha : (to Sergei, foreign dialog)
Sergei : (foreign dialog to Misha, after which Misha steps a few steps away as Phoebe and Sergei stand in her doorway, then some affectionate foreign dialog to Phoebe)
Misha : (popping back into the scene, to Phoebe) Your eyes are very pretty.
Phoebe : (flattered and laughing, to Misha) Thank you, very much. (then, realizing he was only translating, she turns and points to Sergei) Oh, thank you!
Misha : (some foreign dialog to Sergei)
Sergei : (some more foreign dialog, and laughter, then, after collecting himself, some more affectionate foreign dialog followed by a swoop toward a kiss - only to be cut-off before contact)
Misha : (popping back into the scene again, to Phoebe) He would like to kiss you.
Phoebe : (to Misha) ’K, you know what? You don’t have to do that now.
Misha : (to Sergei, foreign dialog, translating "you don’t have to do that now")
Phoebe : (realizing, to Misha) Oh, no-no-no, not him, no, you don’t. (Sergei and Misha exchange short foreign dialog, laughing about the misunderstanding) ’K, well the moment’s over. (Sergei kisses her passionately, she reacts faintly) Oh.
Misha : (off camera to Sergei, with a slight foreign coloring, as if translating) Oh-ay.
Monica : Wow, it’s small.
Phoebe : Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way acRoss it.
Monica : So you had fun, huh?
Phoebe : Yeah ...
Monica : Aww.
Phoebe : Except for ... hmm ... y’know when you’re on a date, and you’re getting along really great, but the guy’s translator keeps getting in the way?
Monica : (smugly) No.
Ross : (entering with flowers) Hey.
Monica and Phoebe: Hey.
Ross : What, is, uh, Rach in her room?
Monica : Oh, no, she’s still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her.
Ross : (very put off) Oh, what? Is she gonna cancel on me again? How could she do this? W- doesn’t she know it’s our anniversary?
Monica : Alright, uh, Ross? (takes a pad from the counter) This is the extent of ... my knowledge on the subject: (holds it up, reading) "Call Rachel".
Ross : What’s that on the bottom?
Monica : (proudly displaying it for Ross and Phoebe) Oh, that’s my doodle of a ladybug ... (to Phoebe) with a top hat ... she’s fancy. (gives the pad to Phoebe and points out the ladybug, while Ross dials the phone, and we see the interior of Rachel’s Bloomingdale office, Rachel, who is shuffling through stacks of paper, picks up the ringing phone)
Rachel : Hello?
Ross : Hey, honey.
Rachel : (in a stressed voice) Ohhh, hi.
Ross : Hey, what’s goin’ on?
Rachel : Well, there was a disaster in shipping and I’ve gotta get this order in. Honey, I’m so sorry, but it looks like I’m gonna be here all night.
Ross : (exhales, exasperated) Wha? Do- well, um, oh, how ’bout I come up there?
Rachel : No-no no, no, honey, please, I’ve got, I just have too much to deal with.
Phoebe : (still talking to Monica) Anyway, I’m going out with Sergei again tonight, and umm, could you come and be the translator’s date so that when we, y’know it’s time for our "alone time", you two can split off ... y’know? He’s re- he’s kinda cute.
Monica : (disbelieving) Right, well "kinda cute" like *really* kinda cute, or "kind of cute" like your friend "Spackleback Larry"?
Phoebe : (offended) Hey, don’t call him that! His name is "Spackleback Harry".
Joey : Uh, 10:30.
Chandler : What time is it now?
Joey : (checking his watch) 4:30.
Chandler : Yeah, alright, so we’ll hang out. (sits down)
Joey : Yeah. (sits down, then, after a pause) Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about, y’know, the three of us?
Chandler : Yes. Vividly.
Joey : She was kiddin’ about that, right?
Chandler : Yeah, I- I think so. (after a six second contemplation, but this time with less conviction) Yeah, I- I think so.
Joey : God, it’d be weird if that situation presented itself tonight, huh? (laughing)
Chandler : (laughing along) Yeah. Yeah, I mean, uh ... (suddenly nervous) what - what will we do?
Joey : (still chuckling) Dude, I don’t know.
Chandler : She was kidding.
Joey : Yeah.
Chandler : She was ... w’ you know what? Just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Joey : (suddenly interested) Yeah, for sure! (facing each other and getting down to business) OK, right, we want the first one to be: "Never open your eyes" (Chandler nods and snaps, showing instant approval) y’know? (chuckles) Because you don’t wanna be doin’ somethin’ and then look up, right? And see somethin’ that you don’t wanna be seein’.
Chandler : (laughing) Yeah, good call, nice (suddenly interrupting himself) hold it! Hold it! What if my eyes are closed, and ... and my hand is out there ... (holds his hand out like a plate and makes a squeezing motion)
Joey : (in shock, pointing to Chandler’s squished hand) Aaah! OK, "eyes open at all times"! Oh, hey, how do we ... decide where we (clears throat) y’know, each would (clears throat) y’know ... be? (making vague hand gestures, connoting motion)
Chandler : Right, right, well, uh, y’know we could flip for it.
Joey : Yeah, I guess. But like, what’s "heads" and what’s "tails"?
Chandler : (mildly disgusted) Well, if you don’t know that, then I don’t wanna do this with you.
Ross : (who has entered the room silently) Hi!
Rachel : (startled) Ohh! My God, what are you doin’ here?
Ross : Well, y’said you couldn’t go out, so (uncovers a picnic basket) ...
Sophie : You brought a picnic. Uchh, what a boyfriend. That’s it. On Monday, I start wearing makeup.
Rachel : Ross, honey, this is very nice, but, but I- I’ve got a crisis!
Ross : Yeah, but I’ve got (to Sophie, proudly displaying a package) COUSCOUS!
Rachel : Honey, honey, I’m sorry, I know it’s our anniversary, but I told you on the phone, I don’t have time to stop!
Ross : OK, you don’t have to stop. I’m invisible, I’m not here! (he starts lighting a candle in her face, Rachel reacts, teetering on the fence between romance and responsibility)
Rachel : Yeah, but, I don’t ... (looking appreciatively at the candle, then, back on the phone, incredulous) wuh, uh, w- who approved that order? Well, there is no "Mark Robinson" in this office. (covers the phone, whispers loudly to SOPHIE) Get me Mark on the phone!
Sophie : Ucch, I love Mark. (to Ross) Do you know Mark?
Ross : (agitated and brisk) Yeah!
Rachel : Well, let me just check that with what I’ve got here. Alright, see, zero-three-eight is not the number for this store ... (she continues to talk, but is drowned out by the sound of Ross, grinding pepper loudly with an electric grinder, she finally stops talking and glares at Ross)
Ross : (stops, laughs sheepishly, then whispers) Pepper?
Rachel : (icy) None for me.
Ross : (noticing the coldness) O- ’kay, sorr- woo (laughs)
Rachel : I’m sorry, as I was saying, the store number is wrong, and I’m sorry but that is (noticing that a plant on the desk has caught fire from Ross’s candle) OH MY GOD!
Ross : Wha? What?
Rachel : Oh! (tries blowing it out)
Ross : (squirts the plant and the desk with some bottled water he brought) Okay! (laughing) Oh, yeah, oh yeah!
Rachel : (on the phone) Oh, excuse me, I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to call you back. I’ve got Shemp in my office. (hangs up, then, coldly, to Ross) What are you doing?
Ross : Uh, I’m sorry. But, um, hey, ho, somebody’s off the phone, how ’bout a glass of wine ... by the fire? (points to the smoldering plant) I can get it goin’ again, if you’d ... (laughs at his own joke)
Rachel : Ross, you’re not listening to me: I don’t have time to stop.
Ross : C’mon, Rach, you don’t have, what, ten minutes? Ten ...
Rachel : (angrily) I don’t *have* ten minutes!
Ross : W- (to Sophie) Sophie, does she have ten minutes?
Rachel : (snaps) Hey! Ross, I told you, I don’t!
Ross : Don’t yell at me, okay? This is the most I’ve seen you all week.
Rachel : (in quiet exasperation) Look ... I cannot do this right now, okay? I’ve got a deadline! Would you just go home, I’ll talk to you later.
Ross : Yeah, but why ...
Rachel : Goodbye. (she walks off without another word, Ross, frustrated, starts to pack his picnic gear back in the basket)
Sophie : (noticing Ross’s overzealous packing job) Um, actually, it- that’s our three-hole punch.
Rachel : (quietly, as she cRosses to her bedroom) Hi. Look, um, about what happened earlier ...
Ross : No, h-, whoa, I- I completely ... understand, you were, you were stressed.
Rachel : (in the doorway of her bedroom, she hears this and drops the stack of notebooks and papers loudly, and shrugs off her coat) I was gonna give you a chance ... to apologize to *me*.
Ross : (surprised) For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Rachel : (becoming more and more annoyed) You had no RIGHT coming down to my office, Ross. You do not (grabbing the basket and slamming it down) bring a picnic basket to somebody’s work ... unless maybe they were a park ranger. (she cRosses to the kitchen)
Ross : (standing) Yeah, well, excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary. (sarcastically) Boy, what an ass am I.
Rachel : (getting a wine glass out) But, I told you, I didn’t have the time.
Ross : Yeah, well, you never have the time. (walks to kitchen) I mean, I don’t feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Rachel : (pouring wine) W- Ross, what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?
Ross : No, but it would be nice if you’d realize that it’s just a job!
Rachel : (puts the glass she was drinking from down hard as she is clearly incensed) Just ... a job?
Ross : Yes.
Rachel : Ross, do you realize this is the first time in my life I’m doing something I actually care about? This is the first time in my life I’m doing something that I’m actually good at? I mean, if you don’t get that ...
Ross : No, hey, I get that. Okay? I get that big time, and I’m happy for you, but I’m tired of having a relationship with your answering machine, okay? I don’t know what to do anymore.
Rachel : Well, neither do I.
Ross : Is this about Mark?
Rachel : (over the top) Oh my god. (puts her hands in her hair)
Ross : Okay, it’s not, that’s good ...
Rachel : Oh my god. I cannot keep having this same fight ... over and over again, Ross. (cRosses to her bedroom doorway) No! Y- you’re- you’re making this too hard!
Ross : Oh, *I’m*, I’m making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do?
Rachel : I don’t know, I don’t know! Look ... (exhales exhaustedly) maybe we should just take a break!
Ross : OK, OK, fine, you’re right. (he gathers his coat and heads for the door) Let’s, uh, let’s take a break, let’s cool off, okay? Let’s get some frozen yogurt, or something ... (opens the door and starts heading out, then turns back when he realizes she’s not following him out)
Rachel : (staying behind, and, after a long pause) No. (pause, and a deep breath) A break from us. (Ross is shocked, looks at her for a moment hurt, then leaves, pulling the door behind him)
Ross : (depressed) Oh, hi Chloe.
Chloe : I want you to meet some friends of mine. (leads Ross over to Chandler and Joey, they all pretend like they are meeting for the first time, shaking hands) This guy’s my hero. He comes in with some stuff, he wants it blown up 400 percent, we say "we don’t do that", he says "you gotta", and you know what? We did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say, (enthusiastically) "let’s Ross it"!
Chandler : And that’s the only color that comes in.
Isaac : (from acRoss the room, with a couple in tow) Yo, Chloe! Do you have a quarter for the condom machine? (CHLOE growls angrily, leaves to lend assistance)
Chandler : (to Ross) So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner?
Ross : Yeah, a little change of plans - uh, we’re gonna break up instead. (Ross leans forward on the bar, allowing Chandler and Joey to exchange confused glances behind Ross’s back)
Misha : Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.
Monica : Oh my god. No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice. (Misha laughs)
Phoebe : (as she knocks on the table with a knife to get the attention of Monica and Misha) Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock, hi (drops the knife, giggling, then to Misha) um, could you please tell Sergei that, um, I was fascinated by what Boutros-Boutros Ghali said in the New York Times?
Misha : (clears his throat, and says some quick foreign dialog, to which Sergei reacts with an "ahhh")
Phoebe : (to Misha) You didn’t say Boutros-Boutros Ghali.
Misha : (to Sergei, with a foreign coloring) Boutros-Boutros Ghali.
Sergei : (some short foreign dialog to Phoebe)
Misha : (to Phoebe) He says he was, too.
Phoebe : Interesting.
Misha : (to Monica) Eh, so, I was wondering ...
Phoebe : (again, banging on the table with the knife) Ahh! Before you get, heh-heh, all "talky" again, um, could you also please tell Sergei ... that ... I really like his suit.
Misha : (clears his throat, and says some foreign dialog, pulling on the lapel of his own suit)
Sergei : (to Phoebe, some lengthy and affectionate foreign dialog)
Misha : (quickly, without emotion) Eh, he said, eh, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair golden like the sun. (to Monica) So, you’re a chef?
Monica : I’m also thinking of opening up my own restaurant.
Misha : Oh, really?
Phoebe : Monica, could I talk to you behind my menu, please? (opens up her menu to form a makeshift shield for privacy, where Monica joins her) What are you doing?
Monica : Well, I *was* having a conversation.
Phoebe : Yeah, but Misha is so interested in you that Sergei and I haven’t been able to say two words to each other. (laughs to herself)
Monica : What do we do? Just sit here silently while the three of you have a conversation?
Phoebe : That would be great! Thank you. (pleased, she lowers the menu shield)
Mark : (from the interior of MARK’s home, MARK is on a couch) Oh, hi! It’s Mark.
Rachel : (let down) Oh.
Mark : (noticing the lack of enthusiasm) What? Is it my breath?
Rachel : No. Sorry - I just thought you were somebody else. Hi!
Mark : Hi, w- look, I was just gonna leave a message - isn’t tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Rachel : Well ... wah- ... ummm ...
Mark : Rach? Are you okay?
Rachel : Yeah! I’m fine!
Mark : You wanna talk? I mean, I can come over.
Rachel : No, really, no, please, that’s, that’s okay.
Mark : Alright, alright, I’m comin’ over, and I’m bringing Chinese food.
Rachel : Oh, yeah, I’m not, I’m not hungry.
Mark : It’s for me.
Rachel : Ohhh, okay, bye. (hangs up, breathes deep and lays down again, drained)
Ross : What can I do? One person wants to break up, you break up.
Chandler : Hey, no way! C’mon, this is you guys - call her and work it out.
Ross : Aww, c’mon, we just had this huge fight, alright? Don’t I have to wait awhile?
Chandler : (growing impatient) Hey, this isn’t like swimming after you eat. Pick up the phone! (Ross gets up and cRosses to the pay phone on the other side of the room) You know the whole swimming thing is a myth.
Joey : Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Chandler : Why? What happened to him?
Joey : Nothing, he just really believes in that.
Mark : Oh, I’m sorry. (offers a container of Chinese food) Egg roll?
Rachel : No. (takes one anyway) Then I called him, and he wasn’t there ...
Mark : Well, then he’s- he’s probably just ... out.
Rachel : (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, that’s very helpful, I’m glad you came over. (the phone rings, Rachel jumps up and answers it, expectantly) Hello?
Ross : (from Philly’s) Hi, it’s me.
Rachel : (almost breathless) Hi, oh, I’m so glad you called.
Ross : (brightening up) Really? I’ve been thinking this is crazy, I mean, don’t- don’t you think we can work on this?
Mark : (rummaging in the refrigerator, to Rachel) Hey, what do you wanna drink?
Ross : (overhearing) Who’s that?
Rachel : (softly) Nobody.
Mark : Is it okay if I finish the apple juice? (Rachel covers the phone, shushing him)
Ross : Is that Mark?
Rachel : (clears her throat) Honey, look, he just came over ...
Ross : (angry) Yeah, got it. (hangs up violently, and starts to cRoss the dance floor back to the bar)
Chloe : Hey, dinosaur guy! Look at you, so sad! Come dance!
Ross : Aww, that’s okay. Thanks.
Chloe : Heyy! You don’t have to smile. (she shimmies down low) You just have to dance.
Ross : Look, I don’t feel like dancing, I feel like, ah, having a drink, ’kay?
Chloe : Oh, okay. (sits down beside him, to the bartender offscreen) Hey, two beers.
Monica : (crying at the story, to Phoebe) Can I have a tissue?
Phoebe : Oh, yeah, sure (rummages for a tissue, and says very quietly) I just ... hope you don’t accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.
Sergei : (some foreign dialog to Misha)
Misha : (to Phoebe) Sergei would like to apologize for my behavior tonight.
Phoebe : (to Misha) Well, tell him apology accepted.
Misha : (some foreign dialog to Sergei, then, to Monica) Oh, he’s unbelievable, I mean, for the first time in three years, someone actually wants to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that? No! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why don’t you learn some English, Sergei?
Phoebe : (to Misha) Excuse me, but um (clears her throat) isn’t he paying for your dinner?
Monica : (to Phoebe) Hey, the man’s dog just died!
Sergei : (to Misha) Binky-boy. (then says another sentence in foreign dialog, starting with the word "Binky-boy").
Misha : (some angry foreign dialog, he and Sergei get to arguing in their foreign tongue, in the middle of it Sergei says a sentence that appears to end in the word "pooky" and cRosses his hands to indicate "it’s over", as an umpire would signal "safe" in a baseball game. After some more fighting, Misha appears to top Sergei, saying a phrase with a note of finality, and gets up and stands by Monica’s side) I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.
Monica : It would be my pleasure. (to Phoebe) My guy has coupons. Your guy can’t even *say* "coupons". (Monica and Misha leave)
Sergei : (picking up a plate) Ehh, plate.
Phoebe : (excited) Plate! Yes!
Sergei and Phoebe : Plate!
Phoebe : Plate!
Sergei : Plate.
Phoebe : Yeah.
Sergei : Plate. (puts the plate down)
Phoebe : See, we don’t need them.
Sergei : (picking up a cup) Plate?
Phoebe : (let down) Yeah.
Chloe : Well, you’re practically dancin’ already. (she removes the beer from his hand, gets up and tries to pull him to the dance floor) Why don’tcha just do it over here?
Ross : Ahhh, no. (holding the edge of the bar "for dear life")
Chloe : What are you, married? (Ross laughs) ’Cause that’s okay.
(GRAPHIC: "TO BE CONTINUED")
Phoebe : You know, it’s a *very* hard language. Let’s do it again (and she starts him back on the chorus in his foreign tongue, and in the middle he begs the rest of the coffee-house crowd to join in)