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|Script Saison 10 Episode 11|
Titre US : The One Where The Stripper Cries
Titre FR : Celui qui trahissait le pacte
Écrit par Marta Kauffman et David Crane
Réalisé par Kevin S. Bright
Transcrit par Coffee Mug , Eric et Vanessa
Traduit par Guillaume Martin
Joey: Hey guys!
Monica: Hey, let me tell them!
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Ross: Really? Which one?
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean, (to Joey) Youíre gonna be on "Pyramid"!!
Monica: Oh, that was our favourite game show ever!
Ross: Except for "Match game"...
Monica: Or "Win, Lose or Draw".
Chandler: What did I marry into?
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
Monica: Oh, I canít. Weíre throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Phoebe: Yeah, sorry boys, this rideís closing.
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I canít believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
Ross: (very excited) Yeah-uh!
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
Chandler: You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler!
Monica: Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
Rachel: Oh God, thatís right. I blocked that out.
Monica: (singing) "Iím a little bit country"...
Ross: (singing) "...and Iím a little bit rock íní roll"!
Chandler: (to Monica) Iím leaving you.
Ross: So weird to see all these people again... Oh my God, look, thereís Geoffrey Cleric.
Ross: He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamburino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
Chandler: (looking around) Did I go to this school?
Ross: Hey, thereís Missy Goldberg. You gotta remember her.
Chandler: (looks over at her) Sure, nice.
Ross: Dude. Youíre married to my sister.
Chandler: Youíre right, by saying "nice" Iím virtually licking her.
Ross: Hey, I hear sheís single again, díyou think I should ask her out?
Chandler: Are you asking permission to break the pact?
Ross: Yes please.
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made íem on a Macintosh in the computer room!
Chandler: Awesome, the name really stands out.
Ross: Thanks to a little something called "Helvetica Bold 24 point"!
Chandler: Man, weíre gonna rock that Asian student union!
Missy: Hey guys!
Ross: Hey, Missy...
Chandler: You know, our band is playing on Friday.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. You should come check us out. Weíre called "Way! No Way!".
Missy: No way!
Chandler and Ross: Way!
Missy: Right. Iíll be there. (she leaves)
Ross: Sheís gone.
Chandler: I know it. You know, Iím totally gonna ask her out.
Ross: Dude, I was gonna ask her out.
Chandler: I said it first, bro.
Ross: Well, I thought it first, Holmes.
Chandler: (angrily) Look, if you did...
Ross: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Chandler: Totally. I had sex in High school...
Ross: Me too. Iím good at it.
Chandler: All right, Iíd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
Ross: You got it.
Chandler: All right, so thatís Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
Ross: Those are the pacts!
Chandler: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldnít get her anyway.
Ross: Oh, oh... maybe not you!
Chandler: Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
Ross: Thank you. (they shake hands) All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?
Chandler: Your hands are shaking.
Ross: I know, and I canít stop sweating. (he walks towards Missy)
Voice: Five! Four! Three! Applause!
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, letís meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, heís gonna be playing with "Days of Our Lifeís" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joeyís amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Joey: (to Gene) I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but... relax, Iím just like you! (pause) Only better looking and richer.
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Letís play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so youíre gonna start. Which category would you like?
Gene: Iíll take "You crossed the line".
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Joey: (on the screen thereís the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. Itís a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldnít have said ísupermarketí. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... Iím writing in my...
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if Iím building an house, the plan isnít called the íshmoo-printí... Canít say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Joey: Yeah! But that is not what theyíre looking for. (timeís finished) OOOH!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Thank you so much for this.
Rachel: Oh, díyou like it?
Phoebe: Oh my God, itís all so elegant! Whenís the dirty stuff starting?
Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-peeís flying about.
Rachel: Pheebs, I... there isnít gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
Phoebe: Oh, ok. I see what youíre doing, thatís fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. (she drinks her tea) Hmmmm... raunchy!
Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, itís not gonna be that kind of a party.
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party Iím ever gonna have! Iíve got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? Itís just tea?
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, Iíll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-peeís!
Donny: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Donny: Give me twenty seconds on the clock. Ready? Go!
(the first word is cream)
Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face!
Gene: Itís white!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: Itís heavier then milk!
Joey: A rock, a dog, the earth.
(the second word is mayonnaise)
Gene: You put this on a sandwich.
Joey: Salami, anchovies, jam!
Gene: Itís white!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: Itís made from eggs!
(The third word is ketchup)
Gene: You put this on a hamburger!
(The fourth word is soda)
Donny: Oh, timeís up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...
Donny: Uh, Gene, youíre gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, donít go away.
Stage Manager : And weíre out!
Joey: Oh, so we didnít win, but itís fun to play the game, right?
Gene: Hey! I got a kid starting college. Iíve to get surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!
Joey: Oh, wow! Iím so sorry, ok? I promise, weíll do better next time!
Gene: Well, I will, because I wonít be playing with you.
Joey: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? (pause). Yeah!
Ross: So, Saturday night!
Missy: Iíd love to!
Missy: So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
Ross: Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kinda silly, but, do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing?
Missy: Sure, he was in your "band"? (she air quotes band)
Ross: Itís been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.
Ross: Thatís ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didnít want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Ross: Yeah, why?
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Ross: You did?
Missy: Yeah. Weíd go to the science lab after hours!
Ross: (angrily) AND ON MY TURF?
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey, where is this guy, itís been over an hour!
Rachel: Well, heís coming from Jersey, he said he would get here as fast as he could!
(someone knocks at the door)
Monica: Who is it?
Man: Itís the police!
Rachel: (pretends to be shocked) Uh! The police!
Phoebe: (Excited, running back to her seat) Oh!
Man: Thatís right, itís officer Goodbody.
Monica: Whatís the matter, officer? Has someone been bad? (looks over to Phoebe and she opens the door, and to their dismay, the stripper is an old, short, fat guy who looks exhausted)
Roy, the male stripper: (coughs) Whoo, thatís a lot of stairs!
Roy: Ooh, boy. You should warn people thereís no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
Monica: Are you gonna be ok, officer, uhm,...
Roy: So whereís the young lady who Iím supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
Phoebe: Oh, God!
Roy: All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and weíll get this party started! (he thrusts his pelvis towards Phoebe) Whaaaa... (walks back to plug in his cd player) Here? All right.
Phoebe: Are you kidding?
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
Phoebe: How old is your phonebook?
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Phoebe: Oh God no, I donít wanna see him take his clothes off!
Roy: Are you talking about me?
Monica: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope youíre familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Roy: Whoa, whoa, whoa (he turn off the music). She cringed!
Phoebe: This is how I look when Iím turned on!
Roy: You were talking about me before! Look, I donít need this! Iím outta here! Whereís my hat? (goes to get it) Look, Iíve been in this business for a long time!
Roy: Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, Iíll be on my way!
Phoebe: Three hundred dollars, are you kidding?
Rachel: No, thatís ok, letís me just get my check book!
Phoebe: No, youíre not gonna pay him, he didnít do anything!
Roy: Didnít do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... Itís not like I can take them two at a time!
Phoebe: I donít care. Weíre not paying you 300 dollars for this.
Roy: Well, look - itís not my fault if youíre too uptight to appreciate the male form in all itís glory.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. Iím uptight. Yeah, thatís why I donít want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Roy: I may have borrowed this from my nephew, but let me assure you, whatís underneath (points at his groin)... is all man.
Phoebe: Iím sorry, did you say all man or old man?
Roy: (making a crying face) Oh, youíre mean!
Monica: (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
Roy: Damnit. OH! (To Phoebe) Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!
Donny: Ok Henrietta, youíve picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Joey: (To Henrietta) My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes! (makes a thumbs up sign)
Donny: Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. (Joey goes form looking very confident to looking very shocked the instant the word congress is said) Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
Joey: Oh, then pass. (Next word: "Joint session", but timeís up, Joey acts very disappointed)
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didnít get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And youíre gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
Ross: (To Chandler) You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
(Chandler looks at the other two guys, embarrassed)
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didnít make us sound gay at all!
Ross: You broke the pact!
Chandler: Ross, that was 16 years ago!
Ross: That doesnít matter! Weíre talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if weíre really gonna do this... itís not like you never broke one of the pacts.
Ross: I didnít.
Chandler: Oh really?
Chandler: Oh really!?
Chandler: ADRIENNE TURNER!! (A girl behind them turns around)
Chandler and Ross: Hey! Hey Adrienne. (They move away from her)
Ross: I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
Chandler: Oh please, and you knew how much I liked her.
Ross: I donít know what... youíre talking about.
Present Chandlerís voice: Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.
(An 80ís Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-doís and clothes)
Monica: I canít believe we are at a real college party! (Rachel laughs excitedly) I have to pee so bad!
Rachel: This is so awesome! College guys are so cute!
Monica: Hey, youíve got a boyfriend!
Rachel: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, Iím sooo gonna let them! (They spot Chandler)
Monica: Look, thereís Chandler. You knew, that stupid friend of Rossí. Said Iím fat. You know Iíve already lost 4 pounds!
Rachel: It... You can so totally tell.
Monica: I KNOW!
Rachel: Well lets see. Maybe he knows where Ross is. (They walk towards Chandler) Hey, howís it going (tries to look as un-interested in him as possible - checking out her nails).
Chandler: Arenít you...?
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Rossí sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Chandler: (smiling at Monica) Right. (to Rachel) So howíre you doing?
Chandler: Hi Monica.
Monica: Hi Chandler. Itís really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
Chandler: O-kay. Iíll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Monica: Oh my God Rach. Bean bag chairs.
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. Weíll be here for days.
(Cut to Chandler. Heís walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
Ross: Listen Adrienne, you canít tell Chandler about this.
Adrienne: Oh believe me, Ross, I wonít be telling anybody about this.
Ross: Cool! (They start kissing again and Chandler looks shocked)
Ross: I didnít know you knew about that.
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) Thatís when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Ross: (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... Iím sorry.
Chandler: Look (hands him a drink) it was a lo-o-ong time ago.
Ross: So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess weíre even.
Chandler: (smiling a little nervously) Hmm mmmhm..
Ross: We are even, right?
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Ross: (thinks about it for a few seconds) What did you do to my mom?
Chandler: Not her!
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80ís party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
Rachel: I am sooo drunk.
Monica: Thatís weird. Iíve had the same number of beers as you and I donít feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Chandler: Soo... you girls having fun?
Monica: For your information, ass munch, Iíve lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Pizza guy: SOMEBODY ORDER A PIZZA?
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
Rachel: (finishing the last of her drink) I am soo not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Chandler: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why donít I just start taking my smart pills now?
Chandler: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
Rachel: (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Rachel: Oh well, You know, I think itís kinda really important that I go somewhere where thereís sun, so Iím sort of... (Chandler leans in an kisses her) (She pulls away) Hey!
Chandler: Iím in college and Iím in a band.
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
Roy: Whatís the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?
Phoebe: You know, itís fine. Weíll pay you.
Roy: No, no, youíre right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean, this has been my life for thirty two years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
Rachel: No, wait. No thereís gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Roy: I donít know... I can make my pecs dance... I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks... I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
Rachel: So maybe something in an office.
Phoebe: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Roy: You know, actually thatís not a bad idea. I can do it out of my apartment. I donít think my mom would mind.
Phoebe: There you go. Okay, do you think youíre gonna be okay?
Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when itís gonna be your last dance. And I didnít even get a chance to finish it.
Phoebe: (after a pause) Finish it!
Phoebe: Your last dance. Do it for us.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Really?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Roy: Okay, all right... Get ready ladies!
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh this is so ho-o-ot!
(Roy then sits on Phoebeís lap, looking exhausted)
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, donít stop!
Roy: (out of breath) Have to...
Donny: Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?
Joey: (nervously) Yeah...
Gene: (irritable) Sure. (Joey gets even more nervous)
Donny: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
(the screen says "6 to win" and "types of trees")
Gene: Oak, maple, elm, birch...
Joey: I-I-I donít know. Types of trees?
(Joey hears the bell which means his answer is correct and is surprised. The screen now says "5 to win" and "Spanish words")
Gene: Uhm... Buenos días, enchilada, por favor...
Joey: (sympathetic) Oh, Iím so sorry. I donít know any Spanish words.
(Thereís the next bell, and the correct answer. The screen changes to "4 to win" and "things that burn". Gene now realizes that he got two correct answers and gets up in his seat.)
Gene: A match, a candle...
Joey: Things that go "tssst" when you put them out.
Gene: A torch, a bonfire... (Joey seems lost) uhm, your pee...
Joey: Things that burn.
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
Gene: "Iíd like to go for a walk", uhm "scratch my belly".
Joey: Dude, dude! I think youíre losing it.
Gene: Uhm, "I have fur", "I like to bark".
Joey: Oh, oh, oh... What a dog says.
(the bell sounds again, "2 to win" and "pizza toppings")
Joey: (instantly) Pizza toppings, next!
(thereís 10 seconds left, "1 to win" and "Supermodels")
Gene: Cindy Crawford, Christie Brinkley, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer...
Joey: Oh, oh, oh... (5 seconds left)
Gene: Christie Turlington, Kate Moss...
Joey: Girls Chandler could never get?
Gene: (irritated) Supermodels!
Joey: Where? (looking around)
Ross: Hey, whereís Rachel?
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Ross: Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
Monica: What? When was this?
Ross: Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
Monica: Oh my God! Thatís wild!
Chandler: Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesnít matter.
Ross: Well, it matters to me.
Ross: Because... the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
Chandler: You kissed her that night too?
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Chandler: Seriously, where did this happen?
Ross: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Oh wait... What bed did you say she was on?
Chandler: Iím pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then who was on my bed?
Monica: (screeching) OH! Oh, oh! (holding her hand in front of her mouth)
Ross: (realizing) NO! No, no!
Monica: YES! (Chandler gets an "oh no!" look on his face)
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Ross: OH MY GOD!
Monica: You were my Midnight Mystery Kisser?
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?
Chandler: What did I marry into?
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while sheís snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
Monica: Oh, crap!