|fanfr.com > scripts > saison1|
|Script Saison 1 Episode 7|
Titre US : The One With The Blackout
Titre FR : Celui qui a du jus
Écrit par Jeffrey Astrof et Mike Sikowitz
Réalisé par James Burrows
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Dimitri Bourrié
Rachel : Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe : Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. [plays a chord, then the lights go out] OK, thank you very much.
Chandler : Oh, great. This is just...
[Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.]
Rachel : Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
Monica : Mom says it’s all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it’s coming back on.
Rachel : Wow, you guys, this is big.
Monica : [into phone] Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. [hangs up]
Phoebe : Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. [to Monica] What’s my number?
[Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.]
Phoebe : Well, I never call me.
Chandler : Oh my God, it’s that Victoria’s Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Jill : [on phone] Hi Mom, it’s Jill.
Chandler : She’s right, it’s Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! [pause] Is it a vestibule? Maybe it’s an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Jill : [on phone] Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
Chandler : Jill says vestibule... I’m going with vestibule.
Jill : [on phone] I’m fine. No, I’m not alone... I don’t know, some guy.
Chandler : Oh! Some guy. Some guy. ’Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
[Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.]
Joey : Hi everyone.
Ross : And officiating at tonight’s blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.
Joey : Well, Chandler’s old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
Phoebe : [at window] Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
[They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.]
Rachel : That had to hurt!
Chandler : Alright, alright, alright. It’s been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
[Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.]
Chandler : There you go!
[He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.]
Chandler : You’re definitely scaring here.
Jill : [awkwardly] Would you like to call somebody? [offering phone]
Chandler : Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. [takes phone]
Monica : Hello?
Chandler : Hey, it’s me.
Monica : [to everyone] It’s Chandler! [on phone] Are you OK?
Chandler : Yeah, I’m fine. [trying to cover up what he is saying] I’m trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
Monica : What?
Chandler : I’m trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Monica : I have no idea what you just said.
Chandler : [angry] Put Joey on the phone.
Joey : What’s up man?
Chandler : I’m trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.
Joey : [to everyone] Oh my God! He’s trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! [on phone] Chandler, listen. [says something intentionally garbled]
Chandler : Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
Rachel : Alright, somebody.
Monica : OK, I’ll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
All : Whoooaa!
Ross : That’s my sister.
Joey : OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women’s room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica : Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross : Phoebs, what about you?
Phoebe : Oh... Milwaukee.
Rachel : Um... Ross?
Ross : Disneyland, 1989, ’It’s a Small World After All.’
All : No way!
Ross : The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Phoebe : Oh, Rachel.
Rachel : Oh come on, I already went.
Monica : You did not go!
All : Come on.
Rachel : Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... [sigh]... oh, the foot of the bed.
Ross : Step back.
Joey : We have a winner!
Rachel : I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Ross : Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn’t have a line.
Rachel : There, well, see? Barry wouldn’t even kiss me on a miniature golf course.
Ross : Come on.
Rachel : No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross : [sarcastically] And you didn’t marry him because...?
Rachel : I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...
Ross : Probably. But you know, I’ll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.
Rachel : Yeah right.
Ross : It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you’re left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there’s all that other good stuff.
Rachel : [sigh] OK.
Ross : But, um... I don’t think that’s going to be you.
Rachel : You don’t.
Ross : Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.
Rachel : Really?
Ross : Mmmm.
Rachel : You do?
Ross : I do.
Rachel : Oh Ross, you’re so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself.]
Joey : It’s never gonna happen.
Ross : [innocently] What?
Joey : You and Rachel.
Ross : [acts surprised] What? [pause] Why not?
Joey : Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you’re in the friend zone.
Ross : No, no, no. I’m not in the zone.
Joey : Ross, you’re mayor of the zone.
Ross : I’m taking my time, alright? I’m laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey : Priesthood! Look Ross, I’m telling you, she has no idea what you’re thinking. If you don’t ask her out soon you’re going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross : I will, I will. See, I’m waiting for the right moment. [Joey looks at him] What? What, now?
Joey : Yeeeeaaaahhh! What’s messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You’ve just got to go up to her and say, ’Rachel, I think that...’ [Rachel comes into the room behind them]
Ross : Shhhh!
Rachel : What are you shushing?
Ross : We’re shushing... because... we’re trying to hear something. Listen. [everyone is silent] Don’t you hear that?
Rachel : Ahhhh!
Ross : See?
Rachel : Huh. [she agrees, but looks very confused]
Jill : Would you like some gum?
Chandler : Um, is it sugarless?
Jill : [checks] Sorry, it’s not.
Chandler : Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Phoebe : [singing] New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, ’cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... [she writes the lyrics down]
Ross : [to Joey] OK, here goes.
Joey : Are you going to do it?
Ross : I’m going to do it.
Joey : Do you want any help?
Ross : You come out there, you’re a dead man.
Joey : Good luck, man.
Ross : Thanks. [Joey hugs him] OK.
Joey : OK. [Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel]
[Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.]
Joey : Hey, where are you going?
Monica : Outside.
Joey : You can’t go out there.
Monica : Why not?
Joey : Because of... the reason.
Monica : And that would be?
Joey : I, um, can’t tell you.
Monica : Joey, what’s going on?
Joey : OK, you’ve got to promise that you’ll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Monica : About what?
Joey : He’s planning your birthday party.
Monica : Oh my God! I love him!
Joey : [as Phoebe enters] You’d better act surprised.
Phoebe : About what?
Monica : My surprise party!
Phoebe : What surprise party?
Monica : Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Phoebe : Well, he didn’t tell me.
Joey : Hey, don’t look at me. This is Ross’s thing.
Phoebe : This is so typical. I’m always the last one to know everything.
Monica : No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe : Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. [Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased] Looks like I was second to last.
Rachel : Hmmm... this is so nice.
Ross : OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it’s not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel : OK.
Ross : OK. Here goes. For a while now, I’ve been wanting to, um....
Rachel : Ohhh!!!! [looking at something behind Ross]
Ross : Yes, yes, that’s right...
Rachel : Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross]
Ross : What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
Monica/Joey/Phoebe : [singing] I’m on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I’ve found ever since...
Monica : [to Ross] This is just Bactine. It won’t hurt.
[Ross flinches in pain.]
Joey : Sorry, that was wax.
Phoebe : Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.
Ross : Why don’t we just put ’poor little Tooty’ out in the hall?
Rachel : During a blackout? He’d get trampled!
Ross : [nonchalantly] Yeah?
Chandler : You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. [Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look] ’Gum would be perfection’? ’Gum would be perfection.’ Could have said ’gum would be nice,’ or ’I’ll have a stick,’ but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Phoebe : [stops at a door] Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Rachel : Oh. [they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers] Hi. We just found this cat and we’re looking for the owner.
Mr. Heckles : Er, yeah, it’s mine.
Phoebe : [trying to hold back the struggling cat] He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
Mr. Heckles : Yeah, it’s my cat. Give me my cat.
Phoebe : Wait a minute. What’s his name?
Mr. Heckles : Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
Rachel : Bob Buttons?
Mr. Heckles : Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Phoebe : [the cat runs away from her] Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles : [as Phoebe and Rachel leave] You owe me a cat.
Rachel : Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
[While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you’ll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.]
Paolo : [something Italian]
Rachel : Wow. [she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out]
Ross : [rolling] Lucky sixes....
Rachel : [entering with Paolo, arm in arm] Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Monica : [smitten] Hi!
Rachel : And Joey....
Monica : Hi!
Rachel : And Ross.
Monica : Hi!
Paolo : [something in Italian]
Rachel : [proudly] He doesn’t speak much English.
Paolo : [pointing at game] Monopoly!
Rachel : Look at that!
Ross : [jealous] So, um... where did Paolo come from?
Rachel : Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross : No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Rachel : Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo’s cat!
Ross : That, that is funny... [to Joey].... and Rachel keeps touching him.
Phoebe : Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn’t find the kitty anywhere.
Rachel : Oh, I found him. He was Paolo’s cat.
Phoebe : Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I’m guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.
Rachel : Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
Paolo : [something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Phoebe]
Phoebe : [smiling] You betcha!
Chandler : [chewing gum] Ah, let’s see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble’s good. It’s got a... boyish charm, it’s impish. Here we go.
[Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.]
Chandler : Nice going, imp. OK, it’s OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. [Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.]
Chandler : Good save! We’re back on track, and I’m... [grimacing] ..chewing someone else’s gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you’re choking.
[Chandler starts to choke.]
Jill : Are you alright?
[Chandler tries to save face and makes the ’OK’ sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.]
Jill : My God, you’re choking! [she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth] That better?
Chandler : [gasping] Yes... thank you. That was... that was....
Jill : Perfection?
Paolo : [something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars]
Ross : [mocking Paolo] Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah....
[Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.]
Ross : Wha-What did he say that was so funny?
Rachel : I have absolutely no idea.
Ross : That’s... that’s classic.
Rachel : [to Monica and Phoebe] Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Monica : If you want, I’ll do it.
[Ross looks at Joey.]
Phoebe : I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. [Rachel looks at her] But I won’t.
Rachel : God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Phoebe : You know, did you ride mopeds? ’Cause I’ve heard... [they stare at her]... oh, I see... it’s not about that right now. OK.
Rachel : Y’know, I know it’s totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don’t even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....
Ross : Paolo. Hi.
Paolo : Ross!
[Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.]
Ross : Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we’re kind of a thing.
Paolo : Thing?
Ross : Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo : Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross : No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that’s... see, that’s not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...
Paolo : Bed?
Ross : No, no, that’s not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Paolo : Oh!
Ross : Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo : Si.
Ross : So you do know a little English.
Paolo : Poco... a leetle.
Ross : Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo : No.
Ross : That’s funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
Jill : Chandler, we’ve been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it’s easy.
Chandler : OK.
Jill : Ready? [she swings the pen around her head in a circle]
[Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.]
Jill : No, you’ve got to whip it.
[He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him again.]
Phoebe : Oh, look look look. The last candle’s about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... [time lapse]... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... [someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark]
Ross : Thank you.
Phoebe : Thanks.
Ross : Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey : [does a maniacal laugh] Bwah-hah-hah!
[Everyone starts to imitate him.]
Ross : OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...
[The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.]
Ross : Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey : Hey Ross. This probably isn’t the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Jill : Well, this has been fun.
Chandler : Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
Jill : Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. [she kisses him on the cheek] See ya.
[She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.]
Chandler : Hi, um, I’m account number 7143457. And, uh, I don’t know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.