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|Script Saison 3 Episode 19|
Titre US : The One With The Tiny T-Shirt
Titre FR : Celui qui avait un T-shirt trop petit
Écrit par Adam Chase
Réalisé par Terry Hughes
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Laura Cynober
Rachel: Thank you.
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Mark: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: Hi! All right, lets go shoppin!!
Mark: Um, y’know, before we go ah, theres something I need to say.
Rachel: Oh, okay.
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
(Gunther gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room)
Rachel: Wow! Umm....
(Shes interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Monica: Oh, this is so great.
Pete: Yeah, it was.
Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye.
(She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.)
Monica: Hello, people who do not live here.
All: Hi! Hello!
Monica: I gave you a key for emergencies!
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.
Ross: Hey, howd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
Monica: Noo!! Its driving me crazy. I mean every other way hes like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything.
Chandler: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
Joey: Oh, so youre playing Adrienne, huh?
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Joey: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. Im Joey Tribianni.
Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murrays work. Shes so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Kate: Where do I know you from?
Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey: Hey, Ive done plays before. Im a serious actor.
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! Youre-youre-youre the guy that doesnt know how to pour milk!!
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldnt. Now, see, thats acting.
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.
Rachel: I know.
Phoebe: What, so what are you gonna tell him?
Rachel: Well, I told him I would think about it, but Im gonna tell him no.
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
Rachel: I mean I think Id say no to anybody right now. (Hearing this Gunther swoops back to cleaning tables.) Oh, but it was so strange. I mean Im standing there with this charming, cute guy, whos asking me to go out with him, which Im allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y’know, like Id be cheating on Ross or something.
Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, youre not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Rachel: I dont have any issues with my Father.
Phoebe: Okay, so its probably just the Ross thing then.
Ross: (entering) Hello.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Joey: Wow, what-what do you think she wants?
Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me.... a-sucks.
Chandler: Its possible. You are very loveable, Id miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Ross: Then be supportive like a guy.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, Id miss you.
Ross: You ah, wanted to see me?
Rachel: Yeah. Ahh, heres a box of your stuff. (hands him a box)
Rachel: Oh, y’know, its just like hats, and a shirt, and CDs, just sort of stuff that youve left here.
Ross: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something?
Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y’know its time we-we y’know, move on. I mean, I mean dont you think?
Ross: Yes, I do.
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
Ross: Its still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!
Rachel: Okay, all right, give me the mug! Ill keep the mug.
Ross: No!! Y’know-y’know dont do me any favours. In fact, where, wheres the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? Id like that back too. Yes, I do.
Rachel: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt!
Ross: Im just trying to help you, move on.
Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty....
Rachel: Petty... (goes into her room)
Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.)
Rachel: You are so just doing this out of spite.
Ross: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!!
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesnt even fit you anymore!
Ross: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...
Rachel: (imitating him) yeah-yeah-yeah!!
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Chandler: And youre our age. Youre our age.
Phoebe: Y’know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Pete: What like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Chandler: Thats not a state Joe.
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Pete: I got to go, so ah, Ill see you guys later.
Chandler: Youre our age!
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Phoebe: Yeah, kinda.
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
The Director: Tasty! Im really starting to feel like you guys have a history, its-its nice.
Kate: I have a question about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate: Well, I dont understand why Adriennes attracted to Victor.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
Kate: I think my characters gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, its says so in the script! Y’know ah, I-I dont know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that youre a bitch.
Kate: It doesnt say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
Ross: You bug me.
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]
Chandler: Is there any chance you didnt see that?
Ross: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y’know, shed say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!
Chandler: You didnt just break up.
Ross: Hey, its been like three weeks!
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, Im gonna kill myself, I swear. I cant, I cant watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, shes going in.
Ross: Shes going in. Wait! Hes going in! Hes going in!! The doors closed! I, I cant see anything but the door closed!!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Ross: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it!
Chandler: Stop what?!
Ross: I dont know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. Ill go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Chandler: No!! You cant!!
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Ross: I need juice! People need juice!!
Chandler: Look man!
Ross: People need juice!
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
Ross: Juice, I need...
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Ross: Yeah, okay.
Ross: Its just I miss her so much.
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Rosss head)
Rachel: Oh. Thats so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, Wheres number 27?!
(She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesnt react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.)
Rachel: Y’know what?
Mark: No. And I dont think Im gonna want to.
Rachel: I cant do this.
Mark: Yep. Yep, thats what I didnt want to know.
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, Im doing this for the wrong reasons, y’know? Im just doing it to get back at Ross. Im sorry, its not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y’know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel: Oh God. Im sorry about this.
Mark: Thats okay.
Rachel: You sure?
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
Pete: (to Monica) Hey, can I ask you something?
Pete: Where are we?
Monica: (looks around) Well, with all these doctors and nurses, Im gonna say, midget rodeo.
Pete: Just tell me the truth.
Monica: Okay. Umm, y’know, I dont think, I dont think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Pete: Oh, yeah. Wasnt that like a year ago?
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y’know, that really isnt the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now Im just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y’know what I mean?
Pete: Oh, yeah. I know that.
Monica: I so wanna be attracted to you.
Pete: But youre not. Okay, good.
Monica: Im sorry.
Pete: Y’know what, dont be. This is not, dont be, cause its not so bad.
Monica: Its not?
Pete: I know Im no John Bon Jovi, (Monica laughs) or someone who find attractive, Im just, I think, y’know, that you might end up feeling differently.
Monica: Well, um, look I-I dont want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasnt attracted too.
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isnt it? Well listen lets, you wanna get something to eat? Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Pete: (to Monica) One second.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
Chandler: (to Joey) I wasnt doing anything. (Joey starts angrily throwing his stuff down.) Uh-oh, what did she do now?
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks shes like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, Oh, Im so talented. and Oh, Im so pretty, and Ooh, I smell so good.
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y’know?
Chandler: Im talking about you. You big, big freak.
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, youre out of your mind.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Joey: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and its nothin. You look at me, and nothin. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, were gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
Kate: Well, that was ah...
Kate: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. Gnight.
Joey: Ah, Kate?
Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Kate: (she giggles) Im probably gonna need those. Huh? (she giggles some more)
Joey: Hey, listen you ah....
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
The Director: You ready to go?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Kate: So umm, Ill see you tomorrow, huh?
Joey: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.
Chandler: Cause its-its not his last name.
Phoebe: It isnt?
Chandler: No, its not like, like Phil Spiderman. Hes a spider, man. Y’know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but theres no Gold Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey, Rach, how was work?
Rachel: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasnt a chair.
Monica: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Monica: Something wrong?
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done.
Chandler: Okay, lets play my game now.
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)