|fanfr.com > scripts > saison3|
|Script Saison 3 Episode 11|
Titre US : The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister
Titre FR : Celui qui ne síy retrouvait plus
Écrit par Alexa Junge
Réalisé par Terry Hughes
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Isabelle Juhasz
Ross : Real magic does exist.
Rachel : Wow! Amazing!
Monica : Wow, Joey how do you do it?
Joey : I canít tell you that, no.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: regular, clomping sounds)
Ross : Uh, somebodyís at the door on the ceiling.
Rachel : Ha ha, thatís our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
Monica : He took up the carpets and now you can hear everything.
Phoebe : Well, why donít you go up there and ask him to just, like "step lightly, please"?
Monica : I have, like five times, but they guy is so charming that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Phoebe : Ewww, that is ...(angrily) silly. Iíll go up there, Iíll tell him to keep it down.
Monica : Alright. Be my guest.
Rachel : Good luck.
Joey : Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright! If you really want to know how I did it, Iíll show you. When you handed me back the card, what you didnít see was, I looked at it so fast it was invisible to the naked eye! (looks at the top card) I just did it. (looks again) I just did it again. Here, Iíll slow it down so you guys can see it. Ready? (does a slo-mo sequence of taking the card, looking at it, and making a face of recognition, places it back on the deck)
All : Ohhh! Yeah! Okay.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: knocking and a door opening, followed by - in the muffled style of Charlie Brownís teacher - Phoebeís ranting, then a manís voice sounding complimentary, followed by Phoebe saying something that sounds like "oh, thank you")
Rachel : Honey, whatís the matter?
Chandler : I just saw Janice.
All : Awww.
Chandler : Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center, skating with her husband. She looked so happy. (sniffs) I almost feel bad for whipping that kidís pretzel at them.
Joey : Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Catherine after we broke up? She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughiní and talkiní. God. Killed me.
Chandler : Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Joey : Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story, yíknow...
Ross : Hey Chandler, eh, thereís a party tomorrow, youíll feel better then.
Chandler : Oh, you know what, Iím gonna, Iím gonna be okay, you donít have to throw a party for me.
Monica : Itís Joeyís birthday.
Chandler : Oh, well, then if anybody should have a party it should be him.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: Phoebe laughing and chatting)
Monica : Shhhh! Sh! I cannot believe she is still up there!
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: the neighbor tells a joke, and Phoebe laughs)
Chandler : Okay, well, he totally screwed up the punchline. Yíknow, itís supposed to be (says some nonsense, Charlie Brown teacher style).
Rachel : (hops to the coffee maker) Yeah, right away, Mr. Kaplan.
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Iím not supposed to drink coffee ... it makes me gassy.
Rachel : I know.
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Iíll bet youíre thinking "whatís an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion doing making coffee"? Eh?
Rachel : Oh.
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Ehh?
Rachel : Haha! You got me!
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Ha ha ha. Now donít think I havenít noticed your potential. Well, Iíve got a project for you thatís alot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
Rachel : (excited) Oh, that sounds great!
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Hey címon over here sweetheart ...
Rachel : Thank you so much, Mr. Kaplan.
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : Címon, címon ...
Rachel : Thank you so much.
Mr. Kaplan, Jr : (leads her to a closet marked "STORAGE" and opens it up to reveal a closet full of tangled hangers) I need these hangers separated, A-S-A-P. (takes coffee from her hands) Youíre welcome.
Monica : I know honey, Iím sorry.
Rachel : Oh, I want to quit. But then I think I should stick it out ... but then, I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because itís remotely related to the field theyíre interested in.
Monica : (in her outrageous uniform, turns and says, sarcastically) Gee, I donít know Rach. Order up! I got a Yentl soup, a James beans, and a Howdy, hold the Dooty.
Rachel : Oh, honey, címon Iím sorry, I didnít ... I donít mind paying my dues, yíknow, itís just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Myra, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom? (MARK laughs, to MARK) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?
Mark : Iím sorry, I, I, was just uh ... (laughs again)
Rachel : Itís not funny. This is actually my job.
Mark : No, believe me, I, I, Iíve been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at, at Mannequins Plus.
Rachel : Oh, well then. So Iím, um just gonna go back to talking to my friend here. You can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Mark : Uh, just, uh one other thing.
Rachel : (clears throat, somewhat impatiently) Yes?
Mark : I uh, I work at Bloomingdaleís and I might know of a job possibility, if youíre, if youíre interested.
Rachel : Do you want my pickle?
Monica : Hey Gunther!
Phoebe : Hi.
Monica : I mean youíre going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Phoebe : Well, heís very charming.
Monica : I know, heís too charming, but if you two start going out then itís just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him!
Phoebe : Well, youíre just going to have to try.
Monica : Alright. Joey? Where are the Jell-O shots?
Joey : I dunno, Chandlerís supposed to be passing íem ar... (Chandler is attempting to feed a Jell-O shot to the porcelain dog) Chandler!
Chandler : (way gone) Hello-dllo!
Ross : Oh, somebodyís feeling better.
Monica : (clears her throat) Stick out your tongue!
Chandler : (with the same inflection and tone) Take off your shirt! (he eventually sticks out his tongue, dark green with Jell-O shot remnants)
Monica : Oh my!
Joey : Oh my god! How many of these did you have? These are pure vodka!
Chandler : Yeah! Jell-O just like mom used to make.
Rachel : (enters, runs up and grabs Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.
Ross : Hi.
Rachel : Hi. (Ross kisses her on the cheek, Rachel can barely contain herself) So, Iím having lunch at Monicaís, and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdaleís, and there happens to be an opening in his department, so I gave him my phone number, and heís gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Ross : Wow!
Rachel : I know!
Ross : Ha ha! What, so, this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Rachel : Uh-huh.
Ross : And heís a, heís a total stranger?
Rachel : Yeah! His name is, um, Mark ... something.
Ross : Huh, sounds like "Mark something" wants to have some sex.
Rachel : (shocked) What?
Ross : Oh, Iím, Iím just saying, I mean, why else would he, just, yíknow, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason?
Rachel : (as if itís obvious) To be nice?
Ross : (to Joey) Hey, Joey, uh, are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey : No, only for sex.
Ross : Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you, uh, did you tell Mark something about me?
Rachel : I didnít have to, because I was wearing my "I-heart-Ross" sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Ross : Ahh ...
(Seven women come in, each dressed in black, bearing gifts, and yelling "Joey, Happy Birthday" in Italian or something I canít make out)
Joey : Hey! He-he-hey! (he cRosses and hugs them all)
Chandler : (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are *you* seeing?
Monica : How hammered are you, huh? These - these are Joeyís sisters.
Chandler : Hi, Joeyís sisters!
Rachel : (cRossing to greet the sisters) Hey!
Cookie : Hey, what are we drinking over here?
Phoebe : Oh, well, I have a um, vodka and cranberry juice.
Cookie : No kidding? Thatís the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.
Phoebe : Wow! íkay, I donít know how to talk to you.
(Three sisters are gathered around Chandler, who is doing something with the phone)
Sister #1 : Whatcha doin?
Chandler : (slurring) Iím taking my ex-girlfriend off my speed dialer.
The three sisters : Awww!
Chandler : No nono no, no itís a good thing! (fixating on the prominently displayed breasts of one of the three sisters) Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why canít we savor the precious moments, those are some huge breasts you have.
Ross : (meeting Monica at the drink table) Hi!
Monica : Hi!
Ross : Yeah, heh heh. So, um, I, I heard about this uh, Mark guy that uh, Rachel met today.
Monica : Oh, yeah. Isnít that great?
Ross : Ohh, yeah. So, uh, yeah, pretty, pretty good, he sounds like a nice, good guy ...
Monica : Oh, he is, and he is *so dreamy*. I mean, you know what? When he left I actually used the phrase "humminah humminah humminah". (she leaves)
Ross : (on the verge of tears) Thatís excellent.
Rachel : Well, I assume Iíll have to take showers with him, but yíknow thatís true with any job.
Chandler : (entering, head down) Uhhhh, ohhhh.
Rachel : Uh oh.
Monica : How you feeliní?
Chandler : Well, my apartment isnít there any more because I drank it.
Phoebe : Whereíd you get to? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Ross : Yeah.
Chandler : Yeah, I ended up in the storage room ... and ... not ... alone.
All : Woo-hoo!
Chandler : (putting hand to temple) Ahhh, no woo-hooing, no woo-hooing.
Phoebe : Why, what happened?
Chandler : Ahhhh, I fooled around with Joeyís sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thatís not the worst part.
Monica : *What* is the worst part?
Chandler : I canít remember which sister.
Ross : (to Rachel) You see what men do? Donít tell me men are nice. (pointing to Chandler) *This* is men!
Chandler : Okay, you donít think I thought of that?
Phoebe : How can you not know which one? I mean, itís unbelievable.
Monica : I mean, was it Gina?
Ross : Which one is Gina?
Rachel : The dark, big hair with the airplane earrings.
Monica : No, no, no thatís not Gina, thatís Dina.
Ross : Dina!
Rachel : Oh.
Chandler : You see? You canít tell which is which either (defiantly) Shnnaahh!
Phoebe : Yeah, but we didnít fool around with any of them - yíhhaahh, wlblaahh! (loosely imitating Chandler)
Chandler : Veronica, look, itís gotta be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt - I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat!
Monica : That was me.
Chandler : (to Monica) Oh, look when Iíve been drinking sometimes I tend to get a little overly friendly, and Iím, Iím sorry.
(in rapid succession:)
Monica : Thatís okay.
Phoebe : Thatís okay.
Rachel : Thatís alright.
Ross : Thatís okay.
Joey : (enters angrily, points at Chandler from near the door) Can I talk to you for a second?
Ross : Hey Joey!
Rachel : Hey! (Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Monica clear out of the main room, leaving only Chandler)
Joey : Címon!
Chandler : Why canít we talk in here ... with witnesses?
Joey : I just got off the phone with my sister.
Ross : Uh, which, which one?
Joey : Mary Angela.
Ross : Mary Angela.
Joey : Yeah.
Monica : Now, which one is she again?
Joey : Why donít you ask Chandler? íCause heís the one who fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her? Now was that true, or are you just getting over Janice by (through gritted teeth) gropiní my sister?
Chandler : (after pondering the two choices) Itís gotta be the first one.
Joey : Really? Thatís great! You íní my sister, sittiní in a tree ...
Chandler : Yup, Iím in a tree!
Monica : No honey, Iím sorry. But the weekendís not over yet.
Rachel : Ohhh.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: Phoebe, laughing)
Rachel : Oh my god, is that Phoebe?
Monica : Guess theyíre back from their date.
Rachel : Oh! (from the upstairs apartment, muted: music) Muuu-sic! Very nice. (as the neighbor and Phoebe continue to speak, the sounds and tone of the conversation turn decidedly X-rated)
Monica : Oh my god.
(the sounds continue to intensify)
Rachel : So, how are you?
Monica : I am good. I finished my book.
Rachel : Oh, yeah? Whatís it about?
Monica : (hurriedly) I donít remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
Rachel : Yeah, I do.
Chandler : Well, thatís the part where you tell him that I moved to France ... (in a near whisper) when actually Iíll be in Cuba.
Ross : Alright, look, look, youíve got to do this yourself, okay? In person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary Angela, okay? When whichever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Chandler : Okay. (suddenly manic) What if Mary Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary Angela?
Ross : Where in Cuba?
Joey : Waiting for my grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Chandler : Iím, uh, Iím here to see Mary Angela.
Joey : You are *so* the man! (Chandler comes in) Now, look: (hushing to a near whisper) listen, listen, you gotta be cool, cuz my grandma doesnít know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussoliniís hanging body. Yeah.
Chandler : (looking around nervously) Whereís Mary Angela?
Joey : Sheís right in there! (they turn the corner together into a dining room where all seven sisters are dressed in red, all of them and Joeyís GRANDMA are near a table of food - the sisters all greet Chandler with equal enthusiasm, much to his dismay)
Ross : (almost smiling) Bummer.
Rachel : Yeah right, look at you. Youíre practically giddy.
Ross : No, Iím genuinely sorry the Mark thing didnít work out. Look, (he cRosses to behind the part of the couch where Rachel is sitting) Rach, I want only good things for you. (he starts to smooch Rachel)
Monica : Wait a minute. Why donít you just call Mark? (Ross looks up, Rachel looks at Monica) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him? Youíve got to (slapping her hands together for emphasis) make stuff happen! (Rachel starts to get up)
Ross : (pushes Rachel back down) Yeah, but, y- you donít want to seem too pushy.
Monica : Honey, itís not pushy, itís, he gave her his home number. (Rachel fishes out MARKís card)
Ross : Huh, wh-, he gave you his home number, as in, like, (snatches the card from Rachelís hand) to, to his home? (Rachel snatches it back)
Rachel : (gets up to call MARK) Yeah, and you donít mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
Ross : Thatís right, "good things", that, that is what I said (glares at Monica).
Rachel : (on the phone, clears her throat) Hello, Mark? Hi, itís Rachel Greene. W- ... oh, no, donít you apologize. I ... yeah, Iíll hold. (to Monica) He left my number at work, he was gonna get it, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Monica : Awww ...
Ross : That is *so* made up.
Rachel : (on phone) Yah, oh my god, tomorrow? That, no, itís perfect, oh god, thank you so much. Great. Bye! (hangs up, to Ross and Monica) Oh! I got the interview!
Monica : Ohh yay!
Ross : There you go!
Rachel : He even offered to meet me for lunch and prep me for it.
Monica : Oh, that is amazing.
Ross : Yah, well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, Iíd expect nothing less.
Rachel : I gotta figure out what Iím gonna wear.
Ross : High collar and baggy pants say "Iím a pro"!
Rachel : Yeah, right. Okay, Iíll see you guys later. Woo-hoo! (leaves the room, excited)
Ross : (calling after her) Okay, you go get íem. (as soon as the door shuts, to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Monica : What?
Ross : (mocking) "Why donít you call him" Well, thank you very much, yíknow, now heís gonna prep her, yíknow "prep her"? As in what you do before you surgically remove the boyfriend? (pointing at himself)
Monica : Are you crazy?
Ross : Oh, am I? Am I? Am I out of my mind? Am I loooosing my senses? This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
Monica : Ross, yíknow, this isnít even about you. I mean, this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. (Ross moans) I mean, yíknow, even if youíre right, what if he wants to sleep with her. Does that mean he gets to?
Ross : No, but ...
Monica : I mean, donít you trust her?
Ross : Well, yeah, but ...
Monica : Then get over yourself - grow up!
Ross : (pouting like a hurt little kid) You grow up.
Grandma : No, I did!
Chandler : Oh, it, it, itís yummy. So, uh, Mary Angela, do you like it? (looks up for a reaction)
Grandma : Of course, itís her favorite.
Chandler : So, um, hmmm - Mary Angela, whatís your second favorite?
Grandma : More of Grandmaís Tara Missou!
Chandler : (to GRANDMA) Oh, would you *just* *please* (pauses when he realizes all eyes are on him) gimme the recipe, cuz this is great! Itís top notch!
Grandma : That dies with me.
Chandler : (to himself) So will I.
Mary Therese : (getting up from the table) Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
Chandler : Oh, no no no, I was just squinting, that doesnít mean anything.
Mary Therese : (in his ear) Just do it.
Chandler : Will you excuse me, I have to ummm. (he sees that nobody is paying attention, and just leaves)
Mary Therese : Finally! I thought weíd never be alone. Can I just tell you something? I have not stopped thinking about you since the party.
Chandler : (as she kisses him) Mmm-mmm - look I may have jumped the gun here (she goes to kiss again, he escapes under her arm) hmmm, uhhh ... (clears throat) I just got out of a relationship and Iím not really in a, in a committment kind of place.
Mary Therese : So? Me neither. God, Mary Angela was right - you do have the softest lips.
Chandler : Haaahhhh ... youíre not Mary Angela?
Mary Therese : No, Iím Mary Therese!
Chandler : This is so bad! If, if youíre not Mary Angela, then uh, then who is?
Mary Angela : (in the doorway) I am.
Chandler : Oh, itís so bad!
Mary Angela : Joey! (runs out)
Chandler : No Joey, no Joey, no Joey! (Joey enters) Joey ...
Joey : Whatís going on?
Chandler : (tags Joey) Youíre it! Now run, and hide!
Mary Therese : Itís no big deal. Chandler was just kissing me ícause he thought I was Mary Angela.
Joey : What?? How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary Angela?
Chandler : C-- I wasnít sure which one Mary Angela was. (the sisters all gasp) Look, Iím sorry, okay, I was really drunk and you guys all look really similar.
Sister #2 : I say, punch him, Joey!
Other sisters : Yeah! Kick him! Yeah!
Chandler : You know what, we should all calm down, because, yíknow, your brotherís not gonna punch me. (scared) Are ya?
Joey : Well, that is usually what I would do, but I just never thought youíd be on the receiviní end of it. How could you do this?
Chandler : Joey, if you want to punch me, go íhead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family. Youíre my best friend ... and I would never do anything like this ever again.
Cookie : So what. I say, punch him!
Other sisters : Yeah, yeah!
Joey : No, no Iím not gonna punch Chandler.
Cookie : Iíll do it.
Joey : No you wonít. Hey. Look he knows he did a terrible thing, and I-I believe him, heís sorry. But you got one more apology to make, alright? You gotta apologize to Mary Angela.
Chandler : Okay, absolutely, you got it. (Chandler looks around and realizes he still canít figure out which one is MARY ANGELA. He looks to Joey with a pleading look, but finds no sympathy)
Joey : Cookie, now you could punch him.
Chandler : Wha? (Chandler spins around only to get a face full of fist, care of COOKIE)
Ross : Hi!
Rachel : What are you doing here?
Ross : Uh, you know, this, uh, buildingís on my paper route, so uh, ha ... (gives her a flower)
Rachel : Oh ...
Ross : Hi!
Rachel : Hi!
Ross : Howíd it go?
Rachel : Oh, well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but yíknow, thank god Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall lines, she got all happy and wouldnít shut up!
Ross : Iím so proud of you.
Rachel : Me too!
Ross : Listen - Iím uh ... Iím sorry Iíve been so crazy and jealous ... and itís just I like you alot, so ...
Rachel : I know ...
Ross : Yeah?
Rachel : Yeah.
Mark : (emerging from the elevator) Rachel!
Rachel : Yeah (turns to face MARK).
Mark : Hi!
Rachel : (lights up) Hi, Mark!
Mark : Hi! Um, I just talked to Joanna and she loves you! You got it. You got the job!
Rachel : Hah! I did? Oh ... (turns to face Ross, who awaits with open arms)
Mark : Yes!
Rachel : Oh my god!
Ross : Congratu ... (she turns back to MARK and hugs him, leaving Ross in shock) ... lations, lations ...
Rachel : Wow!
Phoebe : Mm-hmm?
Monica : How was your date?
Phoebe : Oh, well, you know ... (giggles)
Monica : Yeah, I *do* know.
Phoebe : Ewww, you were eavesdropping?
Rachel : "Eavesdropping"? Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.
Phoebe : Oh, Iím sorry. But, I *really* like this guy, and I think he really happens to like me.
All : Awww.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: the sound of the neighbor moaning, along with a rhythmic squeaky spring sound)
Ross : Maybe heís just jumping on a pogo stick and he really likes it.
(a womanís voice joins the moaning)
Ross : Maybe the pogo stick likes it, too.
Joey : Alright, thatís it. He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guyís gonna get the butt-kickiní of a lifetime. But, (to Rachel) is he a big guy?
Ross : Uh, weíll all go (getting up, to Chandler) Címon.
Phoebe : Thanks you guys, thank you!
Chandler : Donít worry. (they leave)
Phoebe : God, hope they kick his ass!
Rachel : Honey, Iím sorry.
Monica : Yíknow, if itís any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you.
(from the upstairs apartment, muted: a knock at the door, footsteps, the neighbor saying something, Joey, Chandler and Ross saying something agitated, the neighbor saying something apparently in defense, starting with "Címon guys", then Joey, Chandler and Ross saying something as if suddenly understanding the situation or making small talk ... downstairs Phoebe, Rachel and Monica exchange glances of desperation)